Sunday, November 27, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
We are just back from Thanksgiving with Josh's sister Mookie and family in San Francisco. I am thankful for so much, but high on the list is to be back in the circle of Mookie's arms and love. Not that we didn't keep in touch through the separation; we did. But being there with all the family ... being part of the family ... it was priceless.
She is a poet. She gave me this poem.
The Measure of Love
do we love equally
you and I
as time and tide
passes between us
have we achieved parity
and how do we quantify
shall we place
glasses on the counter
as life pours in
who gets more
or should we
savor our cups
knowing half full
is the greatest amount.
-- Martha Meltzer
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The storm erupted.
I sat in the back yard and thought about nothing until the yelling stopped, then stayed for ten minutes more.
Lauren came looking for me. "It's OK now," she said. "We sorted it out."
I hugged her tight. "It's hard being a teen," I whispered in her ear.
"And it's hard being the dad of a teen.
Be kind to each other."
Posted by Hashi at 9:30 PM
Friday, November 18, 2011
It's so interesting, and delicate, to come back as an observer of a tenuous parent-teen relationship, in which I used to play a key part. Every time they butt heads, I wonder if my presence has affected things. Lauren says no. Josh says he doesn't know. Lauren says it's always been like this. Josh says that they haven't argued this way for a long time.
My urge is to hug them both, individually and together. To breathe with them, to encircle them with my love. To say let's calm. the. fuck. down.
Sure, she bugs me when she interrupts constantly, but not enough to throw me way off kilter. I probably interrupt more than I notice, too.
None of us are perfect. We are all human. So let's just lighten up, right? Have some fun, laugh, fart, and not take it all so seriously.
I would like that.
Posted by Hashi at 10:14 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I'm actually enjoying leaving for work two hours earlier than before. The drive through the foggy canyon was so pretty this morning.
Posted by Hashi at 12:06 PM
What a crazy, yet oh-so-right, couple of weeks. It started with an out-of-the-blue text from Josh asking my permission to put our divorce on hold until we talked some things through. He invited me to brunch that weekend, and I went with some trepidation but an open heart. We talked, and walked, for hours.
The upshot is that our little family is together once more.
I have learned a lot through this time; about myself, about Josh, about letting go, about acceptance, and about meeting joy where I find it.
We both have new eyes, new appreciation, and deeper commitment. It's good. Very good. We are happy.
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.