Back to the paints

Today I had nothing to do but paint.

Oh man, it felt good.

A new day

I left my heart in Proserpine, deep in the dark wells of a newborn's quizzical eyes, in the dimple of his cleft chin. Through streaming tears I walked away much too soon, to fly half way around the world, because I have a home and a job in America, and it was the ordained time to return.


I always feel lost when I return from Australia, for a little while at least. I question what I am doing here, so far from all my blood kin, from the ones I love so fiercely.

In the past, the answer was always found in my new family ties. But now, to my great sadness, these have been severed. When it's an empty house that's greeting me, it makes the decision to return even more questionable.

I've known for months that I need to create a new life for myself, post-Meltzer. As I work through my grief, my one little word for 2011 is now even more important.

Often the approach to LA is depressing: a blanket of brown smog, and endless miles of concrete. This morning it was heart-piercing beauty that lifted my soul. Through my emotional and physical exhaustion, I choose to sink into the possibilities of this new day.

As usual, Jen Lemen says it better than I can.

"I am trusting that love never dies, and that the future that is coming to me is the one that I am meant for."

Stay tuned.

Felix

Felix Daniel Hepburn, born August 19 at 8:25 PM. Perfectly healthy. Heart-bustingly gorgeous. Totally loved by all.




I could stare at this little face forever.

Rhea

Rhea, my youngest, my beautiful girl now becoming a woman, is oh-so-ready for motherhood. Baby was late, and there was some doubt that he would arrive before my scheduled departure.


But finally things got moving the day before I was to leave. I was very, very privileged to share her labour, and I will be forever grateful that she wanted me there, and that I could be.

Precious girl, I love you so.

The waiting

I can't think of a prettier place to await a baby's arrival than Airlie Beach, Queensland.

Maggie and Merv

I've realized there's no English term for one's child's in-laws. There should be one, for we share a bond of love for our wedded children. So I think I'll just call Maggie my "co-mother".

I am so happy that she and Merv live close to Rhea and Tony, and that they, too, are delighted with the choice their child has made. I couldn't ask for a nicer family to be part of. It will make the parting a tiny bit easier.

Tony

Here's the man my daughter chose. He's a gentle artist who adores her. She picked well. And we all predict that their kids are going to be gorgeous :-)

Jesse

My one-eyed pirate boy has grown into a rugged songwriting sailing man with a generous heart and a wicked way with words.

What a cool son.

Jai

Jai. Grandson #1. Funny, smart and handsome. He'll go far, for sure.

Tui

I had a wonderful couple of days with Tui; it was more just-the-two-of-us time than we've had for decades. We painted and sewed and photographed; we drove up into the mountains to walk in O'Reilly's treetops.

We talked about what is in our hearts, our struggles to be better people, and our hopes for the future.

My brave, beautiful firstborn makes me proud.

Nettie

My sister is my dearest friend, the one who knows me better than any other. I am sad that I have so little time with her this trip, and none of it exclusive.


She wraps me tight in her love. Even from afar, I feel it.

Thank you, sister. Next time, we'll hang out more, for sure.

Lorraine

Lorraine and I were both Girl Guide leaders on Tamborine Mountain in the late 1980s. We were a great team. Even though we hadn't seen each other for more than a decade, we've kept in touch over the years.


She and hubby Noel hosted me overnight in their waterfront home in Runaway Bay, and fed me delicious food while we caught up. It's such an easy, comfortable friendship we share. So nice.

Rebecca

I met Rebecca about 20 years ago when she joined the small ad agency at which I worked. A few years later I started my own company, and Beck came to work for me. I'm ashamed to say that I 'let her go' via fax one day. Yep. Not my finest moment. Luckily she's forgiven me.

Now she and her husband Joe have their own successful design/ad agency, and two delightful daughters.


Oh, and a LOT of pets.

I love to stay with them when I visit the Gold Coast. The girls get so excited, and Leia is delighted to vacate her bed for me. They are endlessly welcoming, nurturing, and entertaining, and I'm honoured to count them among my friends.

Lizzie

 Lizzie and I met at Hawker College in Year 11 biology, in 1976. Our desks were arranged in a U-shape around the room, and she sat directly opposite me. She was cheerful, smart, and participative, engaging Mr Hoy in banter and obviously having a good time while knowing her stuff.

After the first 2 weeks, I figured I was going to do better in the class if I sat next to her, so I moved my seat. Thirty-five years later, we are still friends.

Through boyfriends, marriages, kids, divorce, grandkids, through cancer, travel, sewing, and food, our friendship buoys us both. We always have a bed in the other's house, and know there is a loving heart always ready to listen and support.

Friendship. It rocks.